Everywhere We've Never Been by Miranda Valentine

Author:Miranda Valentine [Valentine, Miranda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-05-18T16:00:00+00:00

22

My family thinks I’m afraid of being alone.

But, it’s really not as simple as that.

I grew up as the middle child in a family with a mostly healthy dynamic, which means not only was I never really “alone,” but I was also fiercely loved by my parents. Both of them. That’s not something many people can say anymore, so I am thankful.

The truth is though, while I have spent my life surrounded by people, there has always been a little loneliness-shaped hole in my heart. Maybe it’s middle-child syndrome, and I’m harboring the anxiety of being on the back burner in everyone’s life. Maybe that’s why my personality has developed the way it has, and I live in a constant state of needing everyone I meet to like me. To love me, when possible.

College was my first real test. Freshman year can be brutal on anyone. You’re away from your family. You’re away from your friends. Just because I looked like I was 30 at the age of 18, didn’t mean I had the emotional intelligence to understand why I was so depressed. To suppress that feeling, I became “Eren the fun guy.” The guy who would always get invited to parties or hang-outs because I was nice. The guy that glued groups of different personalities together and made sure everyone was having a good time. Eventually, once the excitement wore off, I was the guy who still felt unfulfilled when his head hit the pillow every night.

After college came the unease of true adulthood. I quit my first job after two weeks of going absolutely stir crazy entering data into spreadsheets. Turns out a degree in data analytics wasn’t a particularly great fit for me. So, I took the savings I had been harboring since I started receiving allowance as a kid, and I traveled. I spent an entire gap year jumping countries. Trying new things. Meeting new people. Eating a lot of new foods. I even got certified to teach English as a foreign language along the way, which helped me earn money while traveling. That income turned one gap year into three.

Turkey marked the fiftieth country I visited, and the most important. My dad’s parents immigrated from Turkey when he was a teenager, and having the opportunity to learn about my roots organically solidified some of the unease within me—enough of it to return home and try again, anyway.

When I returned to the States permanently, I decided to pursue a career in travel. TST was the only well-established agency in Jacksonville at that time, so I reached out to Yuke about a job. They were in need of an air specialist, and even though I knew nothing about the software or the logistics of booking travel for anyone but myself, she took a chance on me. She paid for my training and provided support every step of the way. I can’t imagine not working at TST. If we ever go under, they’ll have to drag me out by my hair.

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